****** I wrote this a couple of years ago ******
So on Wednesday I auditioned for the school musical at my high school (I am a sophomore) and I was super excited. I had gotten dressed up and was all ready to be Sally from You’re A Good man Charlie Brown The Musical. But as soon as I got on stage I started to shake. Not butterflies, but physical shaking, and when I tried to sing, my voice shook and I couldn’t remember key changes. Hours upon hours of practicing, singing, and dancing was wiped from my memory. I had memorized my lyrics completely, yet suddenly, I didn’t know a single word. My voice shook so much that I was was shrill and sharp when I was loud and when I wasn’t sharp I was either too quiet, or paralyzed from fear. I sang a total of four songs, convincing myself to get over my anxiety. It hadn’t been a problem last year, after all. Unfortunately, all four times I ended the audition fake smiling like a maniac. Everyone knew it was fake. First I’d start silently crying, then I’d hide behind my lyric book, wipe away the tears, and plaster on a smile, trying to be strong. Unfortunately I was so absolutely panicked that my mouth twitched whenever I tried to smile. It makes me both furious and pathetic that I can’t control my performance anxiety. Not the actual performance, but rather audition, when I know there is something to lose. I feel like I fail myself once again and it frustrates my so incredibly much. I also feel as if I’ve wasted the director’s time and let them down, while also making an absolute fool of myself. As a child I had always wanted to be a singer, and as of late I’ve been ashamed to even try.
So, I was just wondering if anyone else had experienced some thinking similar or had any advice.